Kenapa diriku sukar sembahyang Tahajjud...

:'(

Taste of blood

update

Late post.

I turned 27 today. Alhamdulilah, I am still here, still given an opportunity by Allah, to strive to Him, to ask for forgiveness and to be better person day after day. The last 365dwys was tough, but the recent 6 months was tougher. Sometimes, I regret for things that I could have change, I could have avoid, but I didn't do anything to make that changes. I regret on many things, unfortunately, I realised I didn't make a move to improve it.. what a loser I feel about myself.

I graduated from my UNSW Sydney last July 2013, and after that I joined an oil service company as Field Engineer Trainee. Unfortunately, I didn't last long there despite they said they could turns me to a success person one day. However, I have had enough already with the promise. I feel down to realise I didn't develop much myself within the 5 months I was in the company.

Yesterday, I had my exit interview with my manager who kept on accusing I am such a stubborn person who didn't want to accept I am growing a career with them. I was labelled as as person who thought 'he himself is smarter, genius than the company' when I mentioned about my unhappiness with the career development. I was told, I have right to voice out anything, I was told I can be independent, I was told I ll get proper mentor, I was told I ll be assist, I was told I ll get great career, I was told a lot of stuffs. But the last 5 months I was there, I don't feel/ see those promise are being fulfilled. I complaint that my manager had no time for me which my manager disagreed and trying to defend with bucket of reasons.

I had so much bad experience either it is about working procedures, safety, working instructions, JSA, and so much. they are mainly personal behavior problems. I was questioned back why If I know they are better way which is safer than the current one, why don't you just write the procedures yourself and implent it? Thats true, unfortunately, interms of support, I realised, I won't get help because people are always busy. My manager said I can asked for help from them, but daily actions speaks themselves better than words. No, I won't get help, support, assistance and etc. So how can I make the changes. If i were to speak about using power based on my position, unfortunately, it won't happen.

When I raised thing I ve seen on how other companies treats their people on safety, my manager laughed lot about it... Yea, just because we are big, we think we are perfect, unfortunately, i feel down with all those promise. I was even told "if you want to be safe, just stay at home"

Yea, myb i am a guy who is really stubborn, who wants everything perfect, who is very demanding...