pre-school social problem

Currently, I am having my pre-school period at Labuan base. The location is nice, I can learn alot, people are helpful, very work-oriented group is here.

However, being away from actual home is not that fun actually. Especially, when you know there are so much things you have to face, you must be in a very strong Emaan to overcome so much things present here. Alcoholic drinks are everywhere. I just found it is weird when Malaysian government seems has no control who can sell alcoholic drink. It is not like in Australia where only selected places are allowed to sell them. In Australia they don't even openly advertised brand of these alcoholic drink, unfortunately, it is different in Labuan/Malaysia. You see them everywhere- literally almost everywhere, in Giant/ chocolate shop/ supermarket/ restaurant and almost everywhere...

The staff house I was put before was full of different brand of alcoholic drinks bottle displayed in the living room.. And I thought it ll be better when I was placed in the other house that I have moved in now- but there is no difference. It is so sad to know, this is the condition or reality I have to face each day, each time. 

When I was in Brunei, I don't have to worry about this, but now I can feel this is the challenge I have to face for being away from Brunei. and to tell the truth, I don't feel this type of challenge when I was in Australia...

As a Muslim , you know, living in a house with full of alcoholic drinks should be avoided and might not bring rahmat to you... Please Allah, please give this Hamba a strong heart and strong Emaan.. aminn

Kenapa diriku sukar sembahyang Tahajjud...

:'(

Taste of blood

update

Late post.

I turned 27 today. Alhamdulilah, I am still here, still given an opportunity by Allah, to strive to Him, to ask for forgiveness and to be better person day after day. The last 365dwys was tough, but the recent 6 months was tougher. Sometimes, I regret for things that I could have change, I could have avoid, but I didn't do anything to make that changes. I regret on many things, unfortunately, I realised I didn't make a move to improve it.. what a loser I feel about myself.

I graduated from my UNSW Sydney last July 2013, and after that I joined an oil service company as Field Engineer Trainee. Unfortunately, I didn't last long there despite they said they could turns me to a success person one day. However, I have had enough already with the promise. I feel down to realise I didn't develop much myself within the 5 months I was in the company.

Yesterday, I had my exit interview with my manager who kept on accusing I am such a stubborn person who didn't want to accept I am growing a career with them. I was labelled as as person who thought 'he himself is smarter, genius than the company' when I mentioned about my unhappiness with the career development. I was told, I have right to voice out anything, I was told I can be independent, I was told I ll get proper mentor, I was told I ll be assist, I was told I ll get great career, I was told a lot of stuffs. But the last 5 months I was there, I don't feel/ see those promise are being fulfilled. I complaint that my manager had no time for me which my manager disagreed and trying to defend with bucket of reasons.

I had so much bad experience either it is about working procedures, safety, working instructions, JSA, and so much. they are mainly personal behavior problems. I was questioned back why If I know they are better way which is safer than the current one, why don't you just write the procedures yourself and implent it? Thats true, unfortunately, interms of support, I realised, I won't get help because people are always busy. My manager said I can asked for help from them, but daily actions speaks themselves better than words. No, I won't get help, support, assistance and etc. So how can I make the changes. If i were to speak about using power based on my position, unfortunately, it won't happen.

When I raised thing I ve seen on how other companies treats their people on safety, my manager laughed lot about it... Yea, just because we are big, we think we are perfect, unfortunately, i feel down with all those promise. I was even told "if you want to be safe, just stay at home"

Yea, myb i am a guy who is really stubborn, who wants everything perfect, who is very demanding...

As day goes by...

As days go by, I realised, I failed in many aspects of my life which is hidden in success I gained. These failure are not happen to be there to be forgotte and ignored, but to be learned. Unfortunately, my ignorance in certain things - because I take thing for granted, resulted in, I slowly become an ignorance person.

Elliot Rodgers - the virgin killer

Last saturday, the world was shocked by the massacre killing of 7 people in US. People was shocked  not because it happened in US; but the reason behind this was very unbelievable.

Elliot Rodger killed 6  while injured 7 before he shot dead. A day before the massacre, he posted a video in the Youtube, telling the world about his loneliness feeling, GF-less. In his 8 mins video, he even posted,

"I am 22 years old, and I' still virgin, no girl is attracted to me"

Due to above reason, he decided to kill some of the women who rejected him before. This is sad, unimaginable and hard to swallow reality. This guy killed 6 and injured 7 due to he feel he is unlucky when he compared to his friends/other guys. He feels he is out of the norms in his society.

---------------

Yesterday I had plenty of free time and I used it to understand from bigger context on Elliot Rodger incident. It made me so speechless to learn more about himself.

The day what he described as day of retribution happened last saturday. BUT, it was shocking to know that it was planned to occur on 24th April. This can be read from his 141 pages - My Twisted World. 

A day before the massacre, he posted video describing his plan, how he feels very lonely, being treated unfairly, jealousy and etc. he feel that women are unfair to him because he can't feel love, sex,to love and to be loved. He feel women cause this world to be without humanity. He blamed women for his action.

On 24th April, that was the initial date he wanted to fulfill his dream-day of retribution.  But he didn't feel well on that day.. So he reschedule it to 26th May.

From his 141 pages notes, I learned that Elliot is such a lonely, disturbed guy. He explained quite well on all things happen to and surround him since he was borned. He keep on describing how he was mistreated by people around him. He also always described himself as unlucky due to no woman feel attracted to him.

He also described himself as only has few friends who he slowly lost as he grown up- due to facts he acts weird. 

Few times in his notes, he visualise/imagined himself was skinning a couple - this is very distubing imagination. In the last few pages of his manifesto, he described in details about his pan for the day of retribution which include his plan to kill his younger brother and his step mother!

He feel jealous to his younger brother who he described as will has bright future and will got a girlfriend one day. Because of this, he feel his younger brother must be stopped a.k.a he need to kill his younger brother!.

Im very speechless to read his manifesto. 

It is not only that, the video he posted a day before the massacre was also fulll of gztes, jealous and plan.

I cant continue this post.. It is too disturbing....

 

...

The situation become tense now, some ethic/race feels their right is being ignored. This was infact due to some comments by the minority. Unfortunately, the power of this minority seem to be heard more than the voice of the positive. To make it more upset, people start to openly trying to say or judge the new law based on their understanding without proper knowledges about it. If we think we are intillegent enough, we will open relevant books to review by ourselves or ask the right person about this law; not by listening or heard the news from non-knowledgeable people. 

And one more thing, it is actually up to the individually how they want to respond on certain thing. They are responsible on how they want to respond on certain things. The law is not actually to ruin nor to take rights of everyone. 

If we want to say not to forbid alcohol, strong evidents on disadvantages of alcohol is available everywhere. If the law said, not to share house between unmarried of different genders, it is to forbid unlawful, unprecedented activities that later people will feel regrets. Islam don't want you to regret one day, unfortunately, this law is taken in negative way by certain group of people.

So it is seriously up to individual which comments they would love to hear. But most, seem love to listen to negative, discourage comments more than the good one. 

Satu lumrah hidup ini, the negative can walks faster than the good deeds...